what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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