$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize