Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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