he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
