I faked an abortion last night.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
