Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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