I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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