thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
