I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Everything about him screamed your future.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
