So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
