ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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