since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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