So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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