I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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