sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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