So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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