Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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