if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
