Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
