can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dicks are not precious.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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