what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
