She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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