Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
