i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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