i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
