I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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