I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
