I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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