At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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