I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
