I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize