I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
