it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
