did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
