I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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