If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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