And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
