She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
