No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
