Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
its not stalking. its research.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
