Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
