My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
