You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
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