if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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