I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
A+ Viking dick
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
