Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
