he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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