she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
