this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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