I hate all girls vehemently.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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