Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize