Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
