i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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