Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
