If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
