I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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