Got a toothbrush?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
