So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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