She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
