One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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