The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
