are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
