so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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