He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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