DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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