you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
