I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
