You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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